Orangemen, dontcha just love 'em? They're fun, they're funky, and they're a Load of Laughs!

Yes, brethren, that's what that mysterious LOL stands for.

The best-kept secret in the great province of Ulster!

An Orangeman walks into a pub in Portadown with a frog on his head.

"Where did you get that?" the barman asks.

"Well, it began as a wart on me arse," says the frog, "and look at it now!"
.................................
An Irishwoman, an Englishwoman and an Orangeman's wife were having lunch.

The Irishwoman said, "I told my husband that I wasn't going to clean the house any more. If he wanted it clean he would have to do it himself. After the first day, I didn't see anything. The second day, I didn't see anything. Then on the third day, voila! My husband had cleaned the entire house!"

The Englishwoman agreed: "I told my husband that I wasn't going to do the laundry any more. If he wanted it done he would have to do it himself. After the first day, I didn't see anything. The second day, I didn't see anything. Then on the third day, voila! My husband had done both his and my laundry!"

"What about you?" they asked the Orangeman's wife. She looked a little sheepish, then said: "I told my Mervyn that I wasn't going to cook any more. If he wanted home cooking he would have to either go to his mother on the Shankill or cook for himself. After the first day, I didn't see anything. The second day, I didn't see anything. Then on the third day, I began to see a wee bit out of my left eye."
(Submitted by Bob S., Banbridge)


Q: What happens when an Orangeman gets Alzheimer's disease?

A: His IQ goes up.


Q: What do you get when you offer an Orangeman a penny for his thoughts?

A: Change.


An Irishman, an Englishman and an Orangeman are sitting in a pub discussing the best pubs around. The Englishman says,
"I know a pub in the West Midlands where the landlord buys you a drink for every one that you buy."

The Irishman is not impressed and says, "That's nothing! In Dublin there's a pub where every time you buy a drink the owner buys you five." At this point the Englishman is fairly impressed.

The Orangeman, totally unimpressed, says: "That's nothing. In Larne there's this pub where the landlord buys your drinks all night, and then when the bar shuts he takes you into a room and makes love to you."

The Irishman and Englishman look at each other in disbelief.

"Do you go there much?" the Irishman asks.

"No," says the Orangeman, "but my sister told me about it."

(Submitted by J. Morrison, Bangor)



Q: How do you amuse an Orangeman for hours?


A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.



Q: Why do Orangemen wear bowler hats?

A: To cover up the valve stem.



Q: What did the Orangeman name his pet zebra?


A: Spot.



Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside an Orangeman's head?


A: A Space Invader.



Q: What do you see when you look into an Orangeman's eyes?


A: The back of his head.



Q: How do you make an Orangeman laugh on Monday mornings?

A: Tell him a joke on Friday night!

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